sometimes it's hard, this growing up thing

I've been feeling melancholy lately, especially over the last week. My oldest child is about to turn eight, and my baby is a year old. Even a couple of years ago, I looked at Elisabeth's childhood as something that stretched out indefinitely before us. I identified myself as the mama of little ones, and was so comfortable in that role that I kind of assumed it would be like this forever. And right now, I'm feeling a bit of horror as I realize that this "forever" that I imagined I had with my babies is very, very far from being any kind of "forever". I worry that I haven't been looking enough at the "big picture" -- of what kind of eventual teenagers and adults I'm raising, looking only at the picture of them as little ones.

with lucy

And I feel a little bit shocked that it's coming so fast, worrying about whether I savored Elisabeth's babyhood and small childhood enough. Was I on the computer too much? Did I choose to do something else over paying attention to her? I'm just painfully processing the fact that she's no longer the little one she was even two years ago. It's very hard.

almost eight

So. That's where I am. Sharing handmade birthday gifts and pretties here in this space just hasn't been on my mind; I'm needing to wallow in the fact that my first baby is growing up so quickly. It's quite a thing to work through.

See you soon, though I can't guarantee what I'll be writing about.