25 November

These few days between Thanksgiving and Advent are a somewhat odd, undefined time in my mind. It's almost as though I don't know where I am in time! Everything seems quiet, still, even autumn seems to be tiring out and ready to give in to the next season. 

I'm excited. I feel prepared, happy, busy. 

The card in the above image arrived in the mail from Amy. I don't think I know a lovelier person or better photographer. It seems cliche to say this, but so much collective attention gets paid to division, conflict, cruelty, and cultural sloth. But the mere fact that my path has crossed with Amy's tells me that there is less to worry about than the media would have us believe. There are beautiful people with creative, positive ways of looking at the world in every city in the world. 

That is a very heartening thought, indeed. I'm so grateful to know just a few of you remarkable people!

24 November

So very much to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. I hope you are all feeling it tonight, too. 

We sat around the table today and shared gratitudes. I'm not sure if he misunderstood or if he's just very profound, but James said he was grateful for Beatrice. We all cried. 

I hardly ever bring my camera to holiday family gatherings anymore. I'm not sure why; maybe it's just that I wanted to step out from behind the lens. So I have a single, solitary photo of a pumpkin muffin this morning. And that feels good, too ... some things don't need to be captured by a camera to matter, you know? 

Feeling so grateful tonight for my siblings, my new sister-in-law, my generous mom and the strangers at her table today.

And so grateful for all of you who visit me and make being in this space worthwhile. Thank you, thank you.

love,

Grace

(PS: I'm working on a number of deadlines this week so I probably will take a break from responding to comments until next week. I will still post though.)

23 November

Today was one of those days where I had a huge, long list of things to get done, and didn't really accomplish many of them at all. There always seems to be some important, pressing thing to look up on Wikipedia, or a book I haven't picked up in weeks seems to be calling, or I realize I really need to paint my toenails... ah, procrastination. I have a long, complicated relationship with it. Sigh. 

But tomorrow we will give thanks and celebrate and the to-do list will be set aside and there will be much joy and goodness. Wishing you all a perfect Thanksgiving day tomorrow. And if you're not celebrating, wishing you a day full of peace and gratitude all the same. 

{By the way, I loved Sarah's post last night about homekeeping and balance. Lovely thoughts, and so beautifully said. I hope you have a chance to read it in the midst of busyness and family and all those lists.}

22 November

I'm about to admit something that I have a feeling may ruin my "image". That's funny to me, of course, because I am who I am, and I'm also obviously the person who crafted whatever "image" it is that I have. (Also, I am being a little bit facetious.) But here goes:

We love Michael Jackson. Our whole family, we just love him. When he died, I was shockingly depressed about it. I was also newly postpartum and fairly vulnerable, but my reaction to his death surprised even me. The week after he died, I wrote this post, and a lot of it was about my feelings about his death (also, the speeding ticket, the dawdling in the pool locker room, and the 2000 stitches per inch of work on my niece's sweater were also real anecdotes). Kyrie called it my "Michael Jackson post". 

Anyway, we love to watch Michael Jackson videos on YouTube (my kids' favorites are absolutely Smooth Criminal and Beat It, while my husband likes the album Off the Wall quite a bit), and sing and dance and generally have a lot of fun with it. 

Right now as I type this, my husband is playing Michael Jackson songs on the guitar behind me. And that is more what I wanted to write about, Michael Jackson being my long-winded introduction.

There is something intangible and kind of magical about being a musician or an artist. It's so hard to put into words, even for a person who has experienced it for many years. But there is a sort of "can-do" attitude in the fact that we can pick up instruments and learn Michael Jackson songs and play them together in an impromtu jam, or the way many of us in this (blogging) community jump in and make incredible pieces of art -- with fiber, textiles, all kinds of media! -- and the photography, too! I look at the photos on so many blogs and all over flickr and they are better than lots of "professional" photography that I've seen throughout my life. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, embrace art! Embrace being an artist! It is something you will have with you all your life, wherever life takes you. Art is one of the very few, very real legacies a person can leave behind. For me, this always seems especially clear when I hear Schubert's 4th Symphony. I don't know why, but everytime I hear this particular piece of music, composed nearly 200 years ago, I am blown away by the fact that something so "old" still has such deep resonance and relevance. So much so, that people devote their lives to developing the skill to be able to perform it. (Life as a classical musician is a bit odd in that way, because most classical musicians don't play music of their own creation, but are rather the conduits of those who have gone before. Which is amazing to me, such evidence of the true value of art!)

Whether it's Schubert, or Michael Jackson, whether it's textiles, photography, or food: remember, you are an artist. I believe that we were created to create. And that is something huge, and beautiful, indeed.

(PS: Two of my real kindred friends, Martha and Kyrie, have released an ebook of knitting patterns today! Check them out!)

21 November

OK. This marks the third time this month I've had to post without photos. This time it is because I hate Mondays, they are way too busy, overwhelming, and overall hard days, when I barely keep my head on straight, much less take photos or think about blog posts. And I can't access any of my older photos tonight because, even though I had a good idea for a post using photos from a day last week, my external harddrive is being used on our old laptop right now, trying to save what little information is save-able. So, there you go. Blah.

Monday, there is a reason there is a song about you. That's all I'm saying.

20 November

Also for last Christmas, I made this dress for my little niece. It was actually a design I'd had in mind for a couple of years (originally, I'd thought of making it for a friend -- who is James's age -- when she was two or three), but it took me a long time to get from the idea to the making.

The pictures are just awful, taken moments before wrapping it up, and you can see the imprint of my ironing board on the fabric. I wanted to get some better pictures with my niece wearing the dress, but in reality, I don't think she ever wore it. People have such different taste and one lesson I've learned is that you have to let go of things when you gift them. You can't control how a gift will be received, whether it's a handmade Christmas gift, or even the gift of parenting a child to adulthood. You just have to let it go, know that you gave your best, and let them choose how to receive it. So, no hard feelings on the dress.

Anyway, it's a very fine-wale, lovely deep green corduroy; so soft. I used a vintage dress pattern (I'm sorry, I don't know which one, but there are tons of little empire-waisted vintage dress patterns out there) as a basic shape for the pattern, and then I made a few changes, primarily to the front of the dress, with the asymmetrical pleat. This was the particular design element I'd had in mind for the dress for years, along with the three buttons on the pleat. I added a pink turtle applique (Kaffe Fasset Paperweight print), and then vintage buttons down the back. I wanted to do the back closure differently, with a placket, but in the end, there was some reason (I can't remember) why I ended up going with buttons all the way down the back. I also finished the inside of the armscyes with that hideous brown bias tape, because I didn't have any other on hand and didn't feel like making self-bias binding. (I did make this on Christmas morning ... there were time constraints going on.) I hoped the dress would look cute with a long-sleeved t-shirt and tights under it, so of course, you would never have seen the bias binding. 

Anyway, I was really happy with the overall look and design of this dress, and very pleased with many of the small design elements. I wish that better photos existed of it, but as I said, some things you just let go. And, truly, I'd rather that than buying a pile of plastic toys that will end up in a landfill in a month or a year. I really am glad I unearthed these photos tonight, though. What a fun little dress to dream up!

19 November

Friends, friends! Another day I forgot to post until a few minutes to midnight! 

In the midst of a chaotic day, I had a moment of pause as we packed up two grocery sacks for our church's food bank. I'm glad that we have the means to help others whose need is even greater than our own. 

Tomorrow night, a real post. Before midnight. xo

18 November

I forgot to post tonight! I'm sneaking in just before midnight. 

This is a photo of Fiona napping today. Fiona, who dressed herself with her dress inside out and backwards, and who put herself down for her nap 30 minutes after I'd given up. She's in such a funny, independent phase. I'm such a fan of two-year-olds: still babies, but beginning to have their own ideas about things, and so certain about those little ideas! Whoever coined the phrase "terrible twos" doesn't get any points from me ... I love the twos!

17 November

In the interest of catching up, I have a few Christmas gifts that I completed last year (all at the last minute, true to form) to share with you, before this Christmas rolls around.

Last year Allegra and I had some good times on Facebook counting down the hours and ticking off our progress. I was doing hourly progress reports. It was fun. Although, maybe not the kind of fun I want to replicate this year....

Anyway, last Christmas Eve, I sewed these three items and completed a couple of other projects (more on those in upcoming posts). 

For our great nephew (oh, my, how hard it is to say I'm a "great aunt" at age 33 [aren't they usually about 85?]. Well, I was actually 31 when this baby was born, but anyway, yes, my husband's oldest brother has a grandchild....), I made this cute applique initial shirt. A simple gift, but applique stuff is always so well-received. 

For my sister's oldest step daughter, I made this tote bag, which was intended to be for her piano music, although she has since stopped taking piano lessons. But purple is her favorite color, and Elisabeth still gets so much use out of hers, so I'm sure it comes in handy. The pattern is the Ballerina Drawstring Bag (really a tote bag) from Simple Sewing with a French Twist (this was the second time I've made this bag; the first time was for Elisabeth's 5th birthday). I really like this pattern. It comes out looking very finished and professional for not a lot of work.

For my sister's younger step daughter, I made another Simple Tote from Bend the Rules Sewing. The last one I made went to her older sister (the one who got the purple tote this time) years ago, and I'd been hearing rumors that the younger sister wanted her own, so she got one! I totally love this red kitten fabric! 

Altogether, these were easy, relatively quick gifts that all come out looking pretty polished. The best kind of gift, I think!

(Though I wish I had better pictures, but this is what one gets when one procrastinates until Christmas morning to take the photos immediately before wrapping them. Hmmm.)

16 November

I am pretty behind on my homework, so I'm just popping in to share this cute picture from today. We are all getting in the mood for Christmas around here, I think!

15 November

{Many of you are visiting looking for my huge advent lists. I'm happy to share my lists with you, they are a gift! But know, also, that no amount of planning for little gifts and crafts and activities will really carry you through these weeks of preparation -- as advent truly is -- the way that a peaceful and joyful heart will. So if filling an advent calendar doesn't add to your peace and joy, my loving and "wise" (33-year-old wise, remember?!) advice to you is to let it go. Blessings to each one of you as we await this most joyful of seasons! Here are the links: Celebrating Advent :: Part 1 ~ Celebrating Advent :: Part 2 ~ Last year's PDF}

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

{Photos in this post are all from last year}

With advent officially beginning in just a few weeks, and Christmas only four weeks behind that, my mind is turning to the ways in which our family marks this beautiful season. 

One of the things my friend and I talked about on Saturday, when I came away thinking how great this time in my life is, is the fact that neither of us feel like we are "winging it" when it comes to Christmas this year. 

I think most of us come into parenthood with so many hopes and ideas about how we want our families to function ... everything from how we care for our newborns, to the most important things we want our children to come away with from their childhoods (I remember someone once saying she had the goal of her children knowing how to swim and how to use public transportation before they were grown -- two things she really didn't want to skip in the flurry of childhood), to the ways we will celebrate holidays, and how that will be both the same and different from how we have celebrated them in the past (in our own childhoods, in our pre-parenting adult lives, too). 

I had some definite ideas about advent and Christmas as a young(er) mother, and some new must-do rituals have worked their way in, too. But even with all the planning that I do, and try to do, I still have felt, a lot, that I was doing things by the seat of my pants during December. "Oh! Yes! I need to make sure we have the St. Nicholas gifts!" or "Where on earth am I going to find (x ingredient, supply, etc.) on short notice?"

This year just feels so different to me. I haven't done any shopping yet. I don't really even know how much I'm going to be able to do, actually. (Some. And it's not like we have done extravagant gift-giving, anyway. But some corners will be cut, too.) But what feels different is my own level of mental preparation. I know exactly what to expect with each of the small rituals our family observes over the coming weeks. I have our advent candles. I have our St. Nicholas coins. I know what I'm going to do about a King Cake (almost 2 months from now!). I'm not wondering what we're going to try or make or do differently. It feels established, a routine, something that finally, finally carries us all. Oh, how good that is!

My inner preparation feels different, too, as I've spent the last 15 months deep in the bible (I'm currently a student in a 4-year biblical school). I think that this is helping me keep some perspective on what the miracle of Christmas actually is, at least for me as a Christian.

A few new things will be added this year. A few things we've done before may not happen. But the outline, the scaffold, of how our family will live and move and celebrate through these upcoming weeks, that is there. Now all I can do is hope for snow. 

14 November

I've had a long day -- Mondays are a very busy day around here -- and writing feels a bit hard. But I want to say, thank you all for your many kindnesses these last weeks!

In the midst of lots of craziness, not knowing which end is up kind of busyness in the last month, I managed to knit this little hat for a friend's son as part of a trade. Excuse the photos ... you can't completely see the hat in them, but these are the best I have from a last-moment photo shoot with a very uninterested toddler. :)

My friend gave me the yarn (it's some Malabrigo worsted that she had leftover from something else she'd had knitted last year -- she doesn't knit but she is a lovely and good friend with many who will knit for her!), and the pattern, which is the Small Things Bonnet by Carina Spencer. 

I had some trouble with sizing and gauge (I do have this problem any time I have to make a gauge other than 18 stitches to 4 inches with Malabrigo. Sarah tells me this is because single-ply yarns are less flexible), but once I figured out which size was most likely to fit my friend's son (with a 19 inch head circumference) given the gauge I was able to make, I think it turned out pretty cute.

I probably wouldn't make this pattern again, despite some very cool design elements, because I don't like the way it goes up in the back. But otherwise, it's very cute. And what a soft, snuggly bonnet for a little one!

13 November

{semi-related photo of yarn}

I learned how to knit when I was about nine, give or take a year. I'm relatively sure it was nine, though. I took an extended break through my teens and most of my twenties. When James was a baby, I realized that I could follow a pattern, and therefore, knit anything. Since then, I've tried to knit whenever possible, although I'll admit that I've had fewer projects over the last several years than I could have or would have if money had been no object. Still, it's probably my favorite crafty endeavor. 

Anyway, in these years since I've been knitting more, I have knitted for my kids, for me, for friends, for relatives, for our priests, even for strangers a couple of times. But I've never knitted for my husband. He has made cracks here and there about how men don't really want handknits, but I can never tell if that's an act or not.

Anyway, today I was commenting on how sweater vests look "sharp" (that is my new word, by the way), and he actually said that if I knitted him one, he would wear it! Gasp! This seemed a momentous occasion in our marriage and in my knitting career.

Now I need to find a pattern. Something professorly, but not grandfatherly. That's kind of a fine line, I think. Stripes are definitely out (he told me so), which means Alberta is out (too bad, it's one of my favorites, by the High Priest of Knitting himself). There's the Basic Pullover and Vest from Knits Men Want, which is a book I really like, but the vest seems kind of dull (but maybe that's the point?). I totally love Dr. G's Memory Vest; those cables are fantastic! And then Delius is a gorgeous pattern (though the v-neck gives me slight pause). (Then again, I love the musical association of the name of the pattern.)

What do you think, friends? And also, should I throw another handknit onto the pile of Christmas gift knits? Am I that crazy?!

12 November

{unrelated photo of Mr. Popper's Penguins}

Tonight I had the opportunity to visit with a friend I only get to see for about four hours every two years. Saying goodbye is always so hard. There's always so much more to say, especially when you share so much.

I realized afterward, while driving back home, something kind of surprising and profound. I'm 33, almost 34, and I have to say how much I really am loving my 30's. I honestly don't feel as young as I did even four or five years ago. But I realized that this is more than made up for by the fact that I know myself so much better. This is going to sound cliche, but at 10 minutes to midnight, I can't really think of a better way of saying it: I am more myself now than I have ever been. It could be that my relationship to faith has changed and deepened, especially in the last couple of years. It could be that I know my own faults and weaknesses better, which allows me to be more honest and humble. It could be that I know better what I want out of my life ... and it's not the things I thought I wanted when I was 17 or 23 or even 29. I know I'll continue to grow and change, but what I'm kind of amazed by is the fact that my focus becomes clearer, more directed, more precise as time goes by. 

I love that I know myself better now than I ever have. I love that I have people in my life who help me realize this. 

So much to be grateful for.

PS: I love to hear from you! I've been responding individually to all my comments this month ... please don't be shy! Join the conversation! xoxox

11 November

{this one was taken at 11:11 on 11/11/11!}

Sometimes things just don't go as planned. 

Like this year's Martinmas. I had no sweaters (or any other handknits) to gift my children on this day. We ended up with no lanterns (more on that in a moment). We knew we wouldn't be able to do our customary lantern walk because we were going to see Fiddler on the Roof instead. We ended up not having our usual Martinmas supper. What an exercise in letting go!

This year, I had visions of beautiful beeswax lanterns in my mind. We followed the instructions carefully, but yesterday, all of our attempts were foiled with balloons that popped.

So today, we regathered, made a special trip to get "better" balloons, and tried again, with warmer water and cooler wax. Still, the wax on the balloons wasn't hardening sufficiently. It was cracking when I'd try to set it down to form the bottom. So I thought I'd avoid setting it down and just dip it until I got a decent coat of wax on there. I've dipped enough candles to know that you can just trim the bottom. So, patiently I dipped and dipped. And then, POP! The balloon exploded. The wax had just one trajectory. Straight to me. I was covered from head to toe (well, head to knee, actually) in beeswax. It was all over my face, in my hair, and all over my clothes. It didn't burn (I don't know why), but I'm afraid my clothes are ruined. I'll try to get the wax out (I know several different tricks for this), but it's not like when you dribble some wax on a table cloth or rug. It is a thick, nearly even coat, all over the front of my sweater and skirt. 

Alas, no lanterns. I thought, early in the day, of making the punched can ones as a back up, but our recycling was just picked up yesterday afternoon and we had no cans. Of course there was no time for the oiled watercolor ones or even the papier mache ones. Anyway, it ended up being a really uneventful Martinmas. But sometimes, that is just the way of things, isn't it? Hopefully over seasons and years, this failed celebration will fade into humor and grace, and the intention behind it will be all that matters. 

Tonight, though, I have more beeswax to comb out of my hair.

10 November

On this eve of Martinmas, the feast of the saint who cut his own cloak in two to share with a beggar, I have so much to reflect on in terms of gratitude.

Six days ago, I very shyly posted something I would normally hesitate to discuss publicly. It's maybe a bit gauche to share one's financial struggles with the world. But I had this strong feeling that I wouldn't be able to write authentically for the entire month of November if I wasn't honest about the thing that has been most on my mind lately. And I thought to myself that it was a bit of an elephant in the room, knowing that many of you must have faced (or are facing) something similar.

The response has blown me away. Your comments, your honesty, your willingness to be a little bit vulnerable. And then, in the days that followed that post, friends reached out in prayer, others sent gifts, relatives have given to us even out of their own tight budgets. I was able to get two new Lands' End coats on sale for less than $20 apiece. Another coat has been given to us. I feel like extravagant generosity has been poured out on us from every direction. 

I am standing here in awe, gratitude, and humility. I have never been so amazed or thankful. 

{Also, waffles with fruit compote are a delicious, affordable dinner, that feels like a treat to everyone.}

9 November

My goodness, this November's blogging challenge is a bit by the seat of my pants compared to last year, when I had planned lots of posts out in advance! It's fun but a little crazy!

I've been amazed this week by the light and how it's already feeling so much like late autumn (even though I know autumn technically has 5 or 6 weeks remaining). Yesterday, I really had this feeling like it was almost winter. I'm excited. I really am. Autumn and winter are my favorite seasons, and that transition time between the two is really magical.

In that vein (I think), I wanted to make sure you'd seen this film. It's been going around, but if you haven't seen it, you should. It's a murmuration of starlings in the UK and it is breathtaking. 

And, also wondering if you'd spied this amazing cake in the latest issue of MSL. Oh, my! I love a good candle pyramid, and on top of a cake?! Oh, the goodness there! I think I'd like to try my hand at it, although I'm sure it'd be a ton of work to put together. Still, you'd be able to save the parts from year to year. Does anyone know where to find those lovely slender green taper candles?

8 November

Today has been one of those really long days, with just too much going, doing, rushing. I'm so tired out! I fell asleep with the kids earlier but I roused myself enough to stop in here and tell you that I'm too tired to make a proper post with pictures and whatnot. Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday tomorrow, be back tomorrow night! xo

7 November

You all might remember my little tradition of knitting a new item of clothing for my children each fall. Two years ago, I got ambitious and knitted three sweaters. Last year I thought I'd do that, but didn't finish them until the spring. Still, this summer I picked out yarn and patterns to try and complete three more sweaters in time for Martinmas (which is this Friday). Currently I have one sweater about half done, and two not yet begun. I'm adjusting my goal to complete them by Christmas, because I have the yarn in hand, and they would be gifts that I wouldn't have to pay for in the coming weeks! Fingers crossed....

But this summer, I did complete a little sweater for Fiona that was NOT intended to be her Martinmas sweater. While researching patterns for baby Sid's sweater, I came across this toddler girls' version on Ravelry, with sort of faux-bobbles. SO cute. I had some white yarn and a perfect button, so I whipped it out at the pool in the first part of the summer. Fiona has been wearing it a lot this fall.

The pattern is the Seven-hour Toddler Girls' Sweater. I love it! I did knit it over the course of a few weeks since I seemed to be only able to knit a row here and there on it, but I'm guessing it really was just about 7 hours of work. I made the sleeves and the body longer since it was supposed to be an 18-month size and my girl is just about a 3T now, although she's very slim. I also altered the number of cast-on stitches to make the neck a little wider, which necessitated reducing the number of increases in the first increase round. Ravelry notes here. (It doesn't really pull apart at the neck as much as it seems to in these photos. I think it just needed blocking when I took these.)

The yarn is my usual Malabrigo worsted, and the button is from Apples and Eggs on Etsy.

The resulting sweater is soft, and sweet, and simple, and she loves it. I love knitting for this little cupcake.

6 November

I kind of love this day, the first day of the return to Standard Time. My kids all fall asleep an hour earlier ... it's like a magic reset button!

Today was such a great day of (mostly) peace in our little family; days like this make all the hard ones so worth it. 

Not a single photo was taken today. I'm so good with that, too. Some days are meant just for living, right there in the moment.

We realized today that one year ago on this Sunday (the date was one day off, but it was the first Sunday in November), we left for our little trip to the ocean. This photo is from the airport that day. During this time of stress and strain, scrimping and sacrificing, the memories of that trip are warming all of our hearts. (And how tiny Fiona was! That funny, fuzzy hair!) It's not likely that we'll make another similar sojourn for a while (but, oh, how I've been daydreaming of an even bigger journey -- to London! -- tonight. Always in the late autumn and into Christmastime, I find myself dreaming of London!), and that very rare sweetness gives me even more gratitude for that trip last fall. Someday, someday, we will be able to travel someplace exciting again. But, oh, how happy I am that we've done it once.

So grateful am I for the days that have passed, and for the days that are now. Truly, truly.

PS: Yes, I had posts here while we were away! I had pre-written them! Isn't that tricky of me?