The food was delicious. My pie was just as I had hoped. There was a new game to be played. Christmas lights twinkled merrily on our way home. All is as it should be.
(And now I am going to collapse into bed along with the rest of my family. Night-night!)
I have a great deal to be thankful for today, on this eve of the Thanksgiving holiday.
You see, there is no easy way of writing this. It has been hanging over me, like a weight on my heart, for a long time. With the honesty and encouragement of two bloggers who have shared publicly about similar experiences as those on my heart, I have decided to just say it, today, in this week of gratitude:
My husband almost died this fall. He got sick in July with what we thought, at first, was a bad cold. As he got sicker, and sicker, and began what felt like an endless journey to countless doctors, an unspeakable dread crept into our lives. Carrying on with "normal" seemed the only choice for me, even as his illness worsened and answers didn't come.
In the end, we never ended up with an "official" diagnosis. We found out a lot of what it wasn't, but ultimately, we think it was an MCS-like illness, or actually, more specifically, a hypersensitivity pneumonitis which is being called "trombone player's lung": a disease that only affects musicians! (The NPR article I linked to makes it sound a lot less bad than it actually is, by the way.)
Anyway, this sounds awful, and dramatic, and it really was. But he is well now. He is well! And this is over.
With so much to be thankful for, and so much anxiety and worry to put behind us, we journeyed to the ocean several weeks ago.
As I stood in the icy water, gulped in the salty air, and looked out across the great expanse of the sea, I felt myself letting go of the fear and worry that had permeated the previous months. It seemed to melt down into the sand where I stood. Peace washed over me as I listened to the tide, and played with my beloved little family in the surf.
Again, my children were my best teachers. Even as the ocean was such a concrete reminder for me to let go, and such a beautiful metaphor for healing and cleansing, I realized that my children didn't need a reminder so concrete: they are so present in each moment of life that the stresses of the previous months had already washed past them. What a powerful reminder that was -- my children on one side, the ocean on the other.
I'm hoping that I've brought back a little bit of that peace with me into ordinary life. And hoping, for all of us, that it doesn't take something so dramatic to help us renew our gratitude for the people we love.
Wishing you much love, gratitude, and joy these next days, whether you're celebrating the holiday tomorrow or not.
xoxox,
Grace
My sister has an across-the-street neighbor who seems to get a delivery from UPS about every day. A few months ago, I was at her house, observing this phenomenon, and we were both wishing that we had more UPS visits. I came up with the idea of sending one another occasional surprise "presents" to be delivered. We've been doing it ever since.
We have some rules: You can't spill the beans, or even hint, that something is on its way. You can't ask, or even hint, for something specific to be sent to you. We don't have a dollar limit, though we never spend very much -- the point is the surprise of a delivery, afterall. (We both have Amazon Prime, so shipping is mostly free. I know, I know, "the man" and everything. But that's how it is, sometimes.)
We call it "secret santa". Even though it's not strictly a "secret santa" exchange -- afterall, we both know, when something arrives, who sent it. And it has no timeline. But it is a way to brighten the day of a sister.
Today I received a secret santa package. It was the most fantastic form of secret santa surprise: a blend of 80's fabulousness, nostalgia, and, well....
Harry Belafonte.
I remember the day my mom picked up three cassette tapes in this Hallmark Christmas music series at the Hallmark store in the local shopping mall (which has long since vanished in the way of many shopping malls -- first with empty halls, then slipping into disrepair, its decrepit remains finally demolished in the last decade, slipping into memory).
Those three cassettes were the soundtrack of our family's Christmas preparation and celebration. We decorated on the Sunday before Christmas every year. It was my job to hang a display of all the Christmas cards received, using that chewing-gum poster tack, around the wooden archway in our 1916 Craftsman bungalow, while the banisters and window frames were decked with (real) evergreen garland, and our funny, tiny (artificial) Christmas tree was decorated.
Today as I slipped this CD in and sat back to knit while my children danced like crazy to Mary's Little Boy Child, We'll Sing You a Christmastime, and Jennifer Warnes's quirky rendition of God Rest Ye Merry Gentelmen, I floated off on the best kind of nostalgia.
Thank you, secret santa.
xoxox
Last year I knitted these two hats for the priests at our church. Our church has been served for the last five years by young priests (in their early 30's), which makes it easier (in my mind, at least) to come up with gifts for them. (I don't know why that even matters.)
I had uploaded the photos to Ravelry before I lost all my photos (October 2009-April 2010 are gone), so I swiped the pictures from there -- they were taken right before gifting on Christmas eve, I believe.
This one, for the pastor of our church, Father Kevin, is the Classic Ribbed Hat, knitted up in Malabrigo Twist ("Paris Night" colorway -- which I love.) It's classic and understated, just like this man who is so very important to our family. (It's also a little darker than it looks in the picture).
I was totally inspired by this hat and neckwarmer set by Shelley. I really liked the elegance of the navy blue, so that's what I went for for Father Kevin. (Our priests wear their black clerical clothing most of the time, but they also wear ordinary street clothes, too, so I didn't feel limited to black for them.) I did most of the knitting on this hat the weekend that my husband graduated from his doctorate -- even during a movie we went to -- and I loved its ease and simplicity. Perfect, I think.
The second one was for the parochial vicar that we had at that time, Father Peter. He is actually no longer at our church, as his term ended in June. Our family was very close to him; he baptized Fiona and celebrated Elisabeth's First Holy Communion, and was very important to our family's faith life in general, so we were sad when he moved on to a different church this summer.
I had such high hopes for this Irish Hiking Hat, but I was down to the wire on it (I knit it the week before Christmas, and really needed to finish it in about a day because of James's vest). The instructions said to pick up one stitch for every row around the brim, and although my instincts were telling me not to do it, I said, "The pattern must be right." Unfortunately, that was a terrible mistake. The hat turned out to be poochy and ugly. I felt bad even giving to him, but I just didn't have time to re-work it. (It does look a little bit better on an adult's head than on Elisabeth's small head, but not a lot.) So, that was a disappointment, although he was grateful and gracious, of course.
(I did like the way the shaping on the crown looked -- and overall, I think this pattern has great potential, but you definitely must not pick up stitches at the rate indicated. 3 stitches for every 4 rows, or 2 for every 3, would be better.)
This year, I have gifts to make for Father Kevin, and Father Peter's successor (and Father Peter, too, if I have time). I was thinking of doing scarves, but they are slower to knit than hats and take more yarn. And I'm realizing that I have less time to knit than I thought I would, because I got about 3 weeks behind on the Martinmas knits. Still, I have some scarves in mind, as well as a hat possibility -- a different "Irish Hiking Hat" -- for Father David (who we didn't know last year, so he didn't get a hat).
What are your thoughts?
Professor's Scarf (on Ravelry, with some better pictures, here)
Moss Rib Scarf (Ravelry link here)
Hubby-approved Neckwarmer (Ravelry link here -- my mom thinks short scarves that require button closures are too effeminate, and not desirable to guys. Thoughts? I have to say that the short length -- and therefore, knitting time -- is appealing to me.)
I was also thinking of one of the scarves in the book One Skein, the longer but narrower one of the "Rib and Cable Quartet".
So, what do you think?
I'm getting so much closer to finishing those sweaters! What a long odyssey it has been this year! By the end of November, by the end of November....
These little prayer flags were a gift from Heather when Fiona was born. I remember looking through the amazing box of gifts -- a virtual baby shower from a group of my "blogging ladies" -- with my midwife when Fiona was about two weeks old, and my midwife loved these.
Anyway, I've been looking at these and appreciating their message a lot these days. I feel like I'm coming up short a lot this autumn. Some of the reasons for this are tangible, and some of them aren't so easily defined. I can definitely use a reminder to take a breath and let things go, though. This NaBloPoMo is proving to be a lot more challenging than last year! But it's a good discipline for me. I actually have some good ideas for posts, just haven't organized my thoughts and photos yet. I'm working on it!
What little reminders are helpful for you when you need to slow down, take a breath, and let it be?
Two more dolls to share with you today!
Ruby
Ruby is fairly unique in this batch of dolls in that her dress and the trim on her apron are vintage. Most of the other dolls had new fabrics all around, and ribbon that was purchased in New York when my mom and I went about two-and-a-half years ago. Her hair is the longest of this group, down to about where her knees would be if she were a little girl! It's so much fun to do different things with their hair -- it's one of my favorite parts of dollmaking, actually.
Lucy
Lucy was an overall favorite from this group -- James and my mom both definitely had a great preference for her. James actually loved her so much that he begged to name her (what is it about this particular group of dolls? My children hardly ever even seem to notice the dolls I make ordinarily), and at that point, I hadn't come up with a name for her, so I let him choose her name. Lucy is also our dog's name, but I also know it's a great favorite of his, so it's really a sign of her specialness.
I have three more dolls to share with you next week, and (hopefully) some finished knits, too. I'm busy chipping away!
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Thank you for your kind words about my bad day yesterday. Today was really a better day but I was so rattled after yesterday that I'm afraid I was still in need of an attitude adjustment today. Hopefully this weekend we'll catch up around the house a bit, I'll get to rest, and my husband and I are hoping for a date night. :)
After that, I'm optimistic that things will slide back to normal. (Plus all the baking I'll be doing for the holiday! We get to go to two Thanksgiving celebrations and I'm kind of the pie baker, which I love.)
Today was a really rotten day. I really came close to skipping a post here, because I'm tired, and grumpy, and I heard two awful stories about mothers taking their own lives, and I was treated rudely at my bank, and I lost my temper with my children. But I made a commitment to be here, so here I am, just for a moment. (To be fair, not everything today was bad. I did have two nice conversations with friends.)
Tomorrow is a new day. And hopefully it will be more like this photo, because it makes me happy.
Eek! Just barely squeaking this post in before the end of the day! (Have you ever heard that saying, "The hours are long, but the days are short"? I am having a whole week like that, for sure!)
There will be more dolls to see this week, but we had an amazing, intense, but swiftly moving storm pass through (the way it came on reminded me of the descriptions of blizzards in some of the Little House books).
And I do love a stormy sky. (And most other kinds of skies, too.)
So stormy skies it is for today.
You can just make out the huge, fast snowflakes. They move so quickly, it's really hard to capture them, but they are so amazing!
Here's to the beauty of a storm, and wishing everyone a safe, warm place to be this stormy season.
I said yesterday that I had eight dolls to introduce to you. A couple of them have not yet arrived at their destinations, and a lot of dolls in one post is quite overwhelming, anyway (I think). I also had some other thoughts on my life with dollmaking that I wanted to share with you. So today I'll share a few, and save a few for a couple of days from now. Today, I'd like you to meet....
Gwen
This sweet little blonde is one of my favorite dolls I've ever created. Something about her eyes, I think. And the purple dress and pinafore is one of my favorites, as well.
Violet
This doll was extremely hard for Elisabeth to part with. She was hoping that somehow she'd get to keep her, I think (which doesn't happen often!). She named her Violet -- normally I name all the dolls myself (their names just come to me as I'm working on them), and I actually had another name in mind for her. But Elisabeth was so enamored that I let her name the dolly as a concession. Violet lives in Australia now!
Brynn
Brynn lives a little closer to home, and actually belongs to a dear friend now. I was nervous about the color combination for the clothes (a favorite combination of my friend's, but I wasn't sure how it would work given the particular vintage red floral I was using), but I ended up loving it. (Hence the extra photos of Brynn & her clothes!)
Five years ago, if someone had told me I would become an accomplished Waldorf dollmaker, I wouldn't have believed them. They really seemed intimidating to me! But necessity is the mother of invention, and out of making my own children's dolls, something was sparked in me that I would never have expected, or dreamed of. I used to shrug off compliments to my work, but I've really come to embrace them over time.
Last month, I attended a fundraiser dinner where most of the attendees were part of a social group that I rarely encounter: middle aged, mostly in academic and business fields, many of whom weren't parents, or had grown children. The man I was sitting next to asked me what I do. Of course, there are so many answers to that question. But in that moment, I didn't hesitate to answer, "I'm an artist." He asked what medium I work with, and I said, "Textiles." And you know what? I felt really good about this answer.
Five years ago, I would not have answered in that way. But thanks to this blog, and all of you -- your support, your enthusiasm, your encouragement -- I am honestly able to say that I'm an artist. And that's amazing to me! No, I don't make a living, or really even pay any of our bills, with the few doll commissions I'm able to take each year. But to know that a piece of me, the work of my hands, a little bit of my own unique perspective and vision, is living on in the hands of some of you and your children, is a true gift to me. I am so grateful and pleased to be able to share a little bit of myself with the world in this way.
Thank you all for being here, and helping me to realize the dream of "being an artist". What a dream come true it is!
love,
Grace
Only halfway through the month and I very nearly didn't post today ... it's a discipline, that's for sure! (I think last year I ended up switching from mid-day to evening posts and I think that may be more realistic for me this year, too. I think I may just say that you can expect evening posts for the rest of the month!)
Anyway, tonight I just have a sneak peek of what I'll be posting over the next couple of days. I just haven't had enough time for getting photos up and ready.
But, yes, I have eight completed dolls to share with you! I'm very excited to introduce them to you!
Today I did something I've never done before: cut hair. I have lots of friends who regularly cut their children's, their husbands', even their own hair. I have always been way too intimidated to even try. But with my two guys' hair growing ever more shaggy and overgrown, and income in November being quite slow, well ... I put those clippers and scissors that have been in the bottom bathroom cabinet for the last two years to use!
I used to assume that I'd keep James's hair on the long side. But he was such a baldy, for so long, that those long locks don't seem to fit. So we like to keep his hair pretty short. My husband also likes his hair on the very short side, so hair maintenance for them is much more complicated than it is for the girls in our house. (I had my hair cut in August, for the first time since 2008.)
Anyway, I am super proud of myself. (Sorry the pictures aren't very good -- my little model is very uncooperative these days. Sigh. And my big model prefers anonymity.) I mean, they actually look like "real" haircuts. Our usual old-time barber does a better job (I swear he is Edward Scissorhands; the scissors seem to be part of his hand, they move so naturally), but these will tide them over until next month when they'll get better cuts before Christmas.
It's funny, when posting daily, the kinds of things that are shared in this space that would normally be skipped over. I really like it. :)
mini stockings, knit about 4 years ago!
I hardly feel ready for Advent and Christmas. My mind is still on those Martinmas sweaters! But today I was looking through the December issue of Martha and thinking ahead a bit to what I hope this December will look like in our home. I'd like to create (and maybe buy, too) some new, special decorations. (We haven't gotten any new decorations, besides ornaments, since before having kids. Yikes.) I'd like to try some new-to-us baking and cooking projects. I'd like to find some new holiday tunes (suggestions? we have tons, but it's all kind of old -- we need to freshen it up!). I'd like to keep the house in order so that we can spontaneously invite friends over for drinks or crafting or play. I also liked this idea and may try to incorporate something like it into our celebration.
With those thoughts in mind, I'm beginning to look ahead to the basic outline of our December days, and how our Advent traditions can be used to foster the kind of season I hope to create for my family. I try to parent and live intentionally, and I think the way we choose to celebrate can be a very concrete place to work with this intention. This time of year is, for me, a good time to take stock in the choices I make on a daily and seasonal basis, and the gifts that I hope to give my children, beyond what they'll find in their stockings on Christmas morning.
Our Advent calendar tradition was born out of this desire, to spread out the season, to keep things from becoming overwhelming, overstimulating, and overdone. I have links today to point you in the direction of my Advent posts (still my most frequently searched posts, for better or worse!).
As I said last year, I hope that you all receive these posts in the spirit that I offered them -- as a help for simplifying the holiday season by drawing it out. By not allowing it to get out of control with doing and buying too much, but paring it down to the essentials, the things that make this time of year really special for you and your family. Please don't take my suggestions as yet another thing to pile onto an already overfull month. The last thing I would want is for you to be burdoned with guilt about needing to add a complicated new tradition to your life. But if it helps you to have some structure, and gives your family a joyful way to celebrate, then I hope my suggestions are helpful to you.
So, for your searching convenience, here are the links!
Celebrating Advent :: Part 1 Ideas for the Advent calendar -- what and why.
Celebrating Advent :: Part 2 Huge compilation of ideas for what to put into the Advent calendar.
{I'd love to hear your suggestions for celebrating Advent, making the season special to your family, and also please share the links to favorite decorations and tunes!}
Last night we had a light dusting of snow. What a lovely thing to wake up to!
A note on the knitting ... I have completed one sweater, and the other two are in various degrees of completion. I didn't make my deadline, but that's OK. They'll be ready before the end of November for sure. I've had too much going on the last few weeks, and I've been burning the candle at every end. A lot of that has eased up now, so I have much more time for knitting than I did, thankfully. So, off to knit!
On this Martinmas, I'm wishing you blessings and light, and that a spark of the spirit of generosity, and fortitude as we face these cold months ahead, will be kindled in all of your hearts.
xo,
Grace
Our normal "uniform" for James on holidays has been a sweater vest and corduroy pants. Last Christmas, we were having a hard time finding him a sweater vest that coordinated with the girls' Christmas outfits (unfortunately, all those photos were lost in the computer crash we had this year), so I just decided to knit his vest instead. It was a fairly last-minute project (I seamed the sides just as we walked out the door for Christmas Eve services), but so quick and cute.
I had a silly idea in my mind that it was "too Christmasy" to be worn ever again, so it's been set aside in a basket of woolens ever since Christmas. As I've been planning for these knitting update posts (and there are more coming!), I pulled it out to re-photograph it, and James has worn it almost every day since then. There is something so perfect about a vest. It's warm, but doesn't hinder the activity of a little one. And he really loves it. He tells me often how happy he is to have it. So, I'm really happy that I pulled it out for him this autumn!
Here are the details:
It's the Cable Vest pattern, found here on Ravelry, and here is the link to the actual pattern (you have to sign up for an account with the Lion Brand website to get to it)
The yarn is Malabrigo worsted in Ravelry Red, with Cascade 220 for the brown. (Originally I thought I wouldn't do the contrasting trim, which is why I didn't do it on the bottom of the sweater, and why I didn't use Malabrigo for it. But at the last minute, I decided it would really look nice with the brown trim.)
This was a great little knit, and looks so cute on him!
This Christmas, I'm thinking of going for this one, or maybe this one. Oh, the planning is half the fun, isn't it?
Today I have something to share that I made, but it's not in the same vein as what I usually do.
Years ago, my parents bought me a fairly inexpensive rosary with opaque pink glass beads. Somehow I lost that rosary about two years ago, and last spring, I finally accepted that I would probably never find it. I looked around locally and online for quite a while, trying to find a replacement that I liked.
Finally, I had my mind set on something so specific that I decided to make one for myself instead. I spent about a month gathering various supplies -- sterling silver wire, freshwater pearls, and pink coral beads (these are dyed coral; it's basically impossible to get natural pink coral beads anymore unless you can find vintage ones). I pulled out the jewelry tools that I hadn't used since I was 14, and began to make the links using a wire-wrapping technique.
When it came time for the two prominent pieces, the crucifix and the centerpiece, I hit a snag. I wanted a centerpiece of Our Lady of La Leche, a title of Mary where she is depicted nursing Jesus. Unfortunately, those aren't really available anywhere. I tried to get someone to cast it for me from a medal that I wear, but that fell through. Finally, I ended up buying a pre-made Our Lady of La Leche rosary from the shrine in Florida, which had sterling silver pieces but plain glass beads. It ended up being an expensive way to make this rosary, but since it was about 7 months from start to finish, we didn't feel it in our pocketbook too heavily, and it was so worth it to me to be able to have a rosary that I had made, and was what I really wanted, as well.
The crucifix I ended up using came on that same rosary that I purchased. I had looked at other crucifixes, but this one matches the crucifix on Elisabeth's First Holy Communion rosary, so I decided to use it.
I am so happy with how this came together. It feels so good in my hands when we pray together at night, and its beauty reminds me to lift my soul up to the heavens.
On Friday night, with the costume sewing behind me, I decided to try Melissa's Not-So-Big Backpack pattern from the most recent issue of Stitch Magazine.
When I say that this came together like a dream, I'm not kidding. The instructions were extremely clear and easy to follow. There were notches on the pattern pieces! (I love notches. Have I ever mentioned that? Well, I do.) There was no guessing about seam allowance or supplies or anything else. Altogether, it took me about two hours and forty-five minutes to make it (from start to finish), but I sew pretty slowly, so I'm sure a normal person could crank it out in about two hours. That's my kind of quick project! I am super satisfied with this pattern, and this little backpack. One note: I did end up having to buy longer zippers and cut them. I used pliers to remove the zipper teeth at the seam line, and that was fairly difficult. I'm not saying it wasn't worth it or anything, but it took a fair amount of time to get the first on loose. Once I got one of the teeth free, the other few that I removed in the same area were much easier.
James calls backpacks "hat backs". He's called them that for a long time, and it's one of the few stray "baby" phrases that he still says. I would like to hold onto it forever and ever.
He is so excited about his new "hat back". He's been carrying it around all day, with all kinds of stuff in it (it may be not-so-big, but it can hold a good amount of stuff!), figuring out fancy ways of flipping it onto himself ... ah, the simple satisfaction of a new mama-made pack.
I'm excited that it came together so quickly and easily, and that he has ended up loving it so much. As a project, this is just the kind of winner I'm looking for!
I can't get enough of these golden autumn days. What about you?
PS: I have an antibiotic now, so my recovery from the mastitis should be forthcoming, I hope. :)
As you all probably remember, we have a tradition for Martinmas of gifting our children with a new warm item of clothing. I like them to be handknit, of course, and I set the bar pretty high for myself last year by knitting three sweaters.
This year I also decided to knit sweaters, as they each really need one. But I'm so behind! I'm crossing my fingers that I can finish in time, but we'll see!
With that said, we are sick at our house. A stomach bug has been going through, as well as head colds, and I have mastitis for the very first time, ever, in 8 1/2 years of nursing. So I'm going to spend this week trying to recover and do some knitting. I will still be posting each day, but I will probably wait until the end of the week to reply to comments. I really love the conversation we have in the comments, and I try hard to respond to as many as I can. I will get back to that just as soon as I can. Please know that I will be reading them and really appreciate each and every one.