Mother's Day, and a sewing challenge

tulips from our yard -- these were for my kids' grandmothers, but let's pretend they're for you!

Hoping that all you fantastic mamas out there had a fantastic, beautiful day yesterday; that your family loved you even more than usual; that your burden was light, if just for one day.

I'm a very fortunate mama. I was awakened (bright and early, as always on a Sunday morning ... we leave for church by 8:15) with kisses and cards and gifts and a breakfast of bacon and eggs. After a perfect day, including Mexican food and margaritas, new sunglasses, and a nap, we paid visits to the two grandmothers, and I finished the day with some fantasy yarn shopping, tea, and a movie on the couch. Such a sweet, sweet day.

In other "news"....

I'm going to try to participate in Meg's Kids' Clothes Week Challenge this week. I need to get back into the sewing groove, and I've had a few projects sitting around in semi-finished states for a while now. I don't know how well it's going to go because Fiona is in a stage right now where sewing is a challenging activity. She wants to be held all the time, is transitioning out of two naps (making her one nap somewhat all over the place), and gets into anything within reach when awake. Of course, my sewing room is not babyproofed. Anyway, I really want to participate, so I'm going to try, but I'm not going to beat myself up if it doesn't work out.

The challenge begins today. I don't think I'll get to anything until tonight because I have students all afternoon, but I'm hoping to complete a few almost-done projects before moving on to some new things later in the week. Maybe you'll join me?

You would tell me, right?

I was all set to be done with my little break today, and share a finished object or two. But instead, I woke up to this, and I have to say -- mamas, we have each other's backs, right? You would tell me if you saw someone stealing my content, wouldn't you? You wouldn't just let it go by, thinking, "Hmm, that seems like something I remember Grace having said," or "I think Grace made that very same project some time back," or, worst of all, "Huh, that looks like one of Grace's kids."

Blog theft is a violation, plain and simple. It's illegal, and it's unjustified. Those of us who choose to share snippets from our lives don't "deserve" to be stolen from. 

Blogging is vulnerable.

Some of what I've shared here, in this space, has been very private. My struggles with postpartum depression, for example. Some of it has been very intimate. The birth of my baby, for example. Some of it has been the best writing I've done in years. As bloggers, we give this to the world for free. Who knows what motivates us to share in this way? It doesn't ultimately matter. What matters is that it can't be taken and used without permission.

I would tell you. And I hope you would do the same for me.

A small difference

How are you all doing? I'm quietly enjoying a bit of a break over here.

Today I want to talk a bit about Haiti, though. This week, Elisabeth came home from her class with this little lenten offering collection tin. The kids were encouraged to collect money before the beginning of Lent (coming up so soon!) to donate to the people of Haiti. We've been thinking about more ways we can help.

And if you want to help, there are lots of ways.

Some of my friends are arranging donations through etsy shops.

Look at Melissa's beautiful work here.

Craft Hope's AMAZING shop here. (One of my dolls will be in that shop soon!)

Mama to Mama is a place to check -- the sidebar has lots of links to all sorts of craftivism opportunities, and it sounds like Amanda wants to do something for Haiti in the near future through Mama to Mama, so check that out.

Don't forget that, as others have said in the last few days, prayer and positive energy are also very powerful. Light a candle, hold your children tight, live your life in a conscious way.

And remember that many charities are in need -- if doing something right now for the people of Haiti doesn't happen for one reason or another, there are so many other things you can do to help people in need all over the world, and there will still be need when you're able to contribute -- financially, creatively, or otherwise. (We are working on some dresses for this organization, for example.)

Anyway, I know the blogs are all abuzz over this -- but we mothers can, and do, make differences all the time. We can make a difference right now. Please join me in doing so.

A little shaker

We have been given a lot of handmade gifts for Fiona. From people all over the country -- lots of whom are part of this little old blogging community. And I'm pretty much in awe. This baby of mine has been blessed with so much handmade goodness, and we see and use it every single day. And you ladies are all so generous. And I need to be better about sharing more of it here. (But to those of you who sent things, know that we are immensely grateful.)

{beautiful blanket made by Miss Chris; I really need to share more pictures of it, as well}

Anyway, today, I thought I'd show this sweet rattle that came recently, a gift from Amy of Little Alouette. Amy has been a reader of this blog for a long time -- more than two years for sure (I checked when she first left a comment). She's such a sweet lady, mama to two adorable little men, hostess of this really inspiring Inspire series, and so generous, too. And I love her wooden toys. Also, this one is named Fiona, which makes me squeal a little inside.

This rattle came packed up so beautifully, and it makes such a soft rattle sound. That's the thing about it that is hardest to describe but so very pleasing.

{Totally blurry -- how I'm missing my lens these days! -- but look at her little smile in the corner there. Too much for a mama to resist.}

So, thank you very much, Amy.

Oh, I know your curiosity is very piqued by my tease about some news here. Hopefully it will all work out and I'll be able to share tomorrow. See you then, either way. ;)

Mama.

Mama. It's a big word, for being so small. And it's a big job: so scary, uncertain, frustrating, maddening.

You have a new baby. You're filled with love -- and other emotions, too. Emotions as complicated and delicate as the hormones of pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding. The emotions, like the hormones, are interconnected and complex.

Your baby grows. You are still filled with love -- and all the other emotions, too. Every day brings new fears, and new jubilation.

Your child stumbles. You stumble. But you go on, motivated by this incredible love for your child. It never gets any easier, this loving, stumbling, getting up and going on.

But you know -- you just know -- in your heart of hearts, in your mama-heart, that this is your path. This is what you were meant to do. This child? This child is your greatest gift -- the greatest gift you have been given, and also your greatest offering to the world.

I've been thinking about my mama-life a lot lately. As my babe reaches three-quarters of a year next Thursday. As I ponder the upcoming holidays, and the gifts I hope to give my children -- beyond what they will find under the tree on Christmas morning.

My job as a mama has been harder, in some ways, this fall than it has ever been. And in so many other ways -- some of them, I know, still hidden from sight -- it has been incredibly, richly blessed.

I needed something, some little thing, to commemorate this -- all of this -- my growth, my struggles, all of it.

So when the opportunity arose for me to choose one of Lisa Leonard's beautiful pieces  a couple of weeks ago, my eyes and heart kept leading me back to this one:

Mama.
Hand holder. Dream soother. Love giver.

Yes. All that, and so much more. Thank you, Lisa. It couldn't have come at a better time.

(This mama necklace is a limited edition piece. It's so incredibly beautiful and well-made -- the details are perfect! If you're not familiar with Lisa's beautiful work, and beautiful family, please go check her out. I can't think of a more generous, gracious mama.)

Thank you

I had another post all set for today, but instead, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for your many sweet comments recently. Thank you for continuing to stop by and visit me in this space, even when I haven't been here consistently. Thank you for being an amazing community.

Yesterday was the worst day we've had in a long time. My kids were grumpy and fighting, I'd woken up with a headache (which is unusual for me), and my temper was short. I was yelling a lot. In the middle of all this chaos, James got a nosebleed (which he tends to get from time to time when he's throwing a tantrum or crying really hard). I called my husband at work, and I never had the chance to tell him about my day, because he started to tell me about the day he was having -- which included the fact that both of his classrooms had been broken into over the weekend and vandalized -- very badly. I actually typed out what had happened, and just deleted it because it's too horrifying, and frankly, gross, to share here.

So, there I was, still in my pajamas, covered in James's blood, all three children crying, my husband at his wits' end at work. I really could have had a breakdown. But the mailman came to my door with a package at that very moment. An unexpected care package from a friend I have never met face-to-face. It was full of beautiful things for each of my children, and some treats for me.

In that one moment, everything turned around. Somehow a woman from the other side of the country cares enough to send a surprise to me and my little family out of the blue. How blessed I am.

So thank you. Thank you to Courtney, specifically, and to all of you. For taking the time to say hello each day, for being a community of women who uplift and brighten. You are all around the world. You are in your homes and places of work. You are sharing your thoughts, listening to the thoughts of others -- silly thoughts, creative thoughts, even deeply personal thoughts. This is a community.

love to you all,
Grace

Seen

Some things that have been seen around here lately:

Costuming in the works!

Some cute baby-ness, just because.

The shadow of a star.

The turning of some leaves.

Knitting. Of course!

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Some thoughts:

~I forgot to mention on Wednesday that this is out now. I'm super excited about it, although my pre-order hasn't arrived yet. I should learn my lesson and never pre-order, because I always receive my pre-orders days and days after the release day. I must live too far from any distribution sites.

~TypePad must have received a number of complaints similar to mine, because they have sort of compromised and made replying directly to comments a bit easier again. Not quite as nice as before, but at least it's something.

~And speaking of comments, I can see on my stats that lots and lots of you are still visiting, but feeling a little bit shy about commenting. Don't be! I love to hear from you. It really makes my day -- hearing your feedback, and this little conversation of ours. And I truly appreciate those of you who do take a little time out of your own day to say hi to me. Truly, truly.

Edited to add: The hat was made by Shelley! We have been lucky enough to have two of her hats and they are our very favorite.

Seasons Round exchange - Autumn

I'm finally getting around to sharing what I sent out to my partner in the Seasons Round exchange.

I sent four things: a golden hand-dyed silk (I'm obsessed now), a seasonal postcard, a dragon candle that my husband made, and a standing nature table doll.

The doll is about 4.5 inches high and is knit using Cascade 220. (Details on my Ravelry page, and more pictures over on flickr.)

You can see what my partner sent here. Very cute! One of the things I'm loving is that it gets new seasonal table items into our home without my children seeing them first. I usually change out the items on the table while they're sleeping, so this helps with the magic.

I was super happy with this exchange, and I'm glad that I get to be one of the participants for the winter exchange -- it filled up in less than a day! The next sign-ups are on January 1, 2010 -- I would recommend getting in if you can!

Virtual Quilting Bee: almost done

With these two submissions to the Virtual Quilting Bee, I am nearly finished with the project -- I have one more that is ever-so-close. The blocks that the ladies in this group have created have been amazing. I have to say that I'm glad I'm not the only one who has encountered bumps in the road to finishing -- it makes me feel a tiny bit less guilty.

Although I still feel pretty guilty, because check this out.

This one was completed in January. Uh-huh. Eight months ago. It was for Anina, although she actually already completed her (very beautiful!) quilt without my block. It's OK, though, because I am the only one who did a traditional log cabin block, and I don't think it would have necessarily fit with the others. Oh, well. (And goodness, if you're reading this, Anina, please don't think I'm giving you a guilt trip! It's my own fault.)

And this one was completed in March. When Fiona was just one month old. It's for Eren, and it is my very favorite of all the blocks I made for the VQB. I took about a million pictures of it, because I was so proud of the way the corners met so beautifully, the colors ... I just love it.

She wanted something that looked traditional and scrappy, and I was excited to make a traditional-looking block for her because that's my favorite quilt look.

And the one that I'm almost done with? I worked on it the week before I had Fiona, so February. So, yeah, apparently I'm even slower once I FINISH the block than I am before I start on it.

Anyway, I promise to complete it soon. Very soon.

More colors of autumn

I'm really loving Autumn Colour Week. Aren't you? It's a great reminder to me to be sure to get a few colorful photos in every day. ;)

Green

Another one for green. We were at the orchard about a week ago (more on that soon), and then again today. It's amazing to see how much things have changed in that short time. The apples are about gone, the leaves are starting to dry out. What a transformation!

Orange. I am so, so proud of these pumpkins of ours.

And some other colors for autumn. Every year, I gift my children with a new handknit for Martinmas (November 11). This is the yarn for this year's set. I was concerned that the three colors wouldn't go well together, but they look beautiful, I think! I have Elisabeth's and James's almost completed but I still need to cast Fiona's on. Hopefully this week...

PS: You can find out more about the yarns and which yarn is for which child on the flickr page.

The colors of autumn

In celebration of my favorite time of year, I've joined Autumn Colour Week (I'm a day late, so I will have to catch up on the first two days today). I hope you'll join us, too!

Today is Michaelmas, an old and traditional festival that I've written about before.  There is much to celebrate -- and anticipate -- at this time of year. I've been loving seeing peeks of Emily's family's Rosh Hashanah celebrations. I think we could all use a little bit of that spirit of a new beginning here in autumn in our lives, no matter what our faith tradition. For me, not being Jewish, Michaelmas fits this bill. We are actually going to celebrate on Thursday because my husband is the dragon bread maker in our house, and we won't see him before then. (I know, such a long time. Sigh.)

Finally, we have been having some computer weirdness around these parts. It may just take my technical support team husband just taking the time to do some disk cleanup and so on when he's here, but I have been having a bit of trouble with my photos lately. So, hopefully it won't interfere too much with my presence here.

a new habit for september

Thank you all for your support about my computer break. I've been quite strict with myself and it feels so good!

I have many thoughts about resuming posting here, but I'm not quite ready. In the next week, perhaps....

But I did want to let you know that I'm guest-posting at habit in the month of September. (So my complete computer break is obviously finished.) Habit is one of the most inspiring collaborative projects out there. I feel so honored to have been invited to be one of the guests, so I encourage you to come visit if it isn't already part of your daily "habit"!

Loveliness

First, thank you all so much for your anniversary congratulations and wishes. It was so sweet of you to send your love to us on such a big and special day!

A couple of months ago, Brandy contacted me and asked if I'd like to be featured on her new blog, The Lovely List. Of course I said yes! What a great concept -- a compilation of all the loveliness around this community. It's just awesome!

I'm being featured tomorrow (August 11), so please stop by ... Brandy will be sharing a post of mine (I don't know which one yet!). Also, leave a comment and let her know that I "sent" you, and you will be entered to win a drawing! (I think I have the details right on that.) Edited to add: It's up now! Please go visit and take a peek around The Lovely List!

Thank you, Brandy, for inviting me!

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Also in community news, the sweet and really lovely Kelly has been posting a series of sewing surveys, and she featured me back in June. I feel so embarrassed that I forgot to mention it at the time! But do stop by and visit her sweet blog, and read those sewing surveys! They are amazing ... so much information for new and experienced sewers!

So Many Reasons to Love Pink

Pink is my favorite color. I really love a lot of colors, and I love the way colors play with one another. But I am devoted to pink. And there have been such a lot of good reasons to love pink around here over the last few weeks.

Peonies in our yard! (Now faded, but I'm still reveling in their memory.)

This amazing sweater gifted to us by Kyrie. If you're one of the more than 400 people who have viewed it (or the more than 80 who have faved it!) over on her Ravelry page, or if you've been following along at near:far almost from the beginning, you'll certainly recognize it. She knitted it during her pregnancy for her own baby, and I loved it so much that she sent it to me. I am so, so grateful for this gift for so many reasons.

Roses from our garden.

Washcloths. I've knitted four of these (in pink) recently and love them for wiping little hands and faces.

And most especially, this wee pink girl.

Seasons Round

Our family has had a nature table (or "seasonal table", as we call it) in our home -- in some form or other -- since Elisabeth was a baby. Although I've never quite accomplished the seasonal tableaux that some more ambitious people have, its presence, however great or small, has been so important to us. I like to inspire a feeling of reverence in our home, and to keep a physical reminder of the rhythm of the year: the seasons, the festivals we celebrate.

However, these days, I'd have to say that its presence has begun to inspire more of a feeling of "ugh" and less of a feeling of "ahh". It's dusty. I haven't been changing it out with much frequency. I'm bored with the same few objects in rotation all the time.

So, when Kyrie announced this week that she would be organizing a nature table exchange (the Seasons Round Exchange), I knew that the remedy for our sad little seasonal table was in sight! I am so excited to participate in the swap (sign-ups begin July 1 -- all the details here), and I hope that many of you will join in, as well!

You needn't already have a nature table in your home to participate -- this could be the beginning of a new tradition in your family! And you needn't have children in your home to join, either. Who couldn't use a little bit more inspiration, reverence, and reminders of the beauty of the natural world in their life? Edited to add: You don't even need your own blog to participate! Just an email address. The Seasons Round blog has a lot of wonderful links in its sidebar -- so much inspiration and information on nature tables. I think it's going to be my go-to resource for ideas.

I'm really excited about the new inspiration that participating in the exchange will no doubt bring to all the participants. I already have some ideas swirling in my head. I'm even feeling inspired to do a bit more for our seasonal table in the meantime. I hope you'll join me!

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PS: I think I have officially become the worst blogger in the neighborhood. I don't know why I feel compelled to even draw attention to that fact, or to apologize for it, but I guess it's just because I feel a little embarrassed about it. I literally have SEVEN posts begun, and saved as drafts, and I just haven't gotten them published. Anyway, thank you for continuing to visit and leave comments here. Also, I'm still at near:far every Tuesday and Friday, so you can check in there if you're missing me in this space!

Funny but true, and what's been going on

First the "funny but true", and then the "what's been going on":

Last night I dreamt that I was taking some sort of class with a priest. I got the feeling that it was a cello lesson of some kind. But I was paying for the class with a little bit of cash and a lot of very nice yarn! I remember thinking that there was no way I'd be able to keep it up with the yarn because it was too expensive.

Then when I woke up, I realized that the priest was actually Jared Flood.

The priest of knitting.

I finally cast on my February Lady this week after a lot of hemming and hawing about what yarn to use, and lots of yarn lusting on Jared's Ravelry page. (By the way, I'm on Ravelry and I think it's about the best thing in the universe. You ravelers can find me under the user name "uncommongrace".) Anyway, I think that explains my dream, which I'm definitely filing under "funny but true".

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And as to what's been going on, well, it seems that there have been lots of things happening around here, and I have about seven posts waiting in the wings, but I haven't had (or wanted to have, honestly) much computer time lately. I've been wanting to focus on finding our footing in our new summer rhythm, and all that it is:

::swimming lessons

::the new bike-riding prowess of a certain seven-year-old girl (and, oh my goodness, the tears that I cried tonight when I realized that we'd somehow deleted 30 photos from the day she learned to ride!)

::new knitting projects

::dreams of sewing

::rainy days

::dissertation widowhood

::a baby shower and blessingway to be planned for my sister (and the arrival of my first baby niece this fall!)

::some projects around the house (like, um, finally unpacking -- remember, my long, long, long pregnancy followed right on the heels of our move last year)

::peonies!

::birthday parties

::a bit of gardening

::several new cello students

::and, wow, just basking in the still-new babyness that's happening around here.

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So, it's been good. Exhausting, but good. I still have so much to learn. So much! But I am -- we are -- finding the way.

(And thank you to all who have written to check in during my two weeks of silence here in this space. I am constantly both uplifted and humbled by this community. Really and truly.)

Thank you

Thank you all for your responses to my last post. Your thoughts and words mean so very much to me. I'm glad that I have this place in which I can express myself so honestly, and be heard. And I'm touched that so many of you shared your own stories with me. As women and mothers, we need to be able to reach out to others, to tell our stories, to allow ourselves to be heard. So, thank you.

I'm doing fine really, most of the time. Every now and then there is a scary moment, but I have to remind myself often that one bad day doesn't mean that I've slipped back into depression. I think many of us can find ourselves guilty of feeling like if things aren't stellar all the time, then something must be wrong. But it is truly what we choose to do with very ordinary, dull days (not just spectacular, special ones) that makes us the strong and beautiful people that we all have the potential to be.

How I'm doing

Those of you who have been following along over at near:far have probably inferred that I've been facing some struggles over the last few weeks. While the purpose of this blog, and near:far, too (though more limited in scope), has always been to keep things positive and to help me maintain my focus on the beautiful things in my daily life, I also strongly believe that it's unhealthy for me to suffer privately, and that it doesn't help women in general for us as a society to be silent about the realities of baby blues and postpartum depression. So, the truth for me -- right now -- is that I have a mix of some good "normal" days, and some frightening "bad" days. Like all mothers, I sometimes feel irritable and insecure. And sometimes, on some days, those feelings seem to be magnified. And on those days, I feel very vulnerable, as though I'm teetering on the brink of depression. I haven't reached a scary low place the way I did when James was a baby, and I'm still hoping that through good self-care, support, and awareness, that depth of depression can be averted. But the truth is, I don't know. Even by doing everything "right", there is no guarantee.

So, I'm trying to remind myself:

*to go outside more (sunlight can really help with depression)

*to notice the tulips blooming right outside my door

*to ask for help when I need it

*to do things that I enjoy, that nurture me physically, and that nourish my soul

*to step back into my volunteer work with mothers in my community, work that has always been so gratifying

*to appreciate Fiona's beautiful chubbiness

*to find balance between seeking connection and giving space with Elisabeth and James when it's been a hard day and we're all struggling

*to do my best to remember to be fully present in the moment I'm in, and to be aware of and appreciative of the way my children are right now -- because time with them is so fleeting

*to be gentle with myself

*most of all, to take it one day at a time

I don't want this to become a depression blog. It's always been a place for me to go that's happy and uplifting. But I have always been frank in the past about my experiences with PPD, and I want to continue with that candor. I know that in some small way, my honesty has helped some of you who are reading right now. I have been touched so many times by an "out of the blue" email from another mother, saying that my words and the personal work I've done have been helpful and inspiring to her in her own journey. It is one of the things that makes keeping this blog so satisfying to me.

So I'll be sharing my progress here from time to time, while continuing to use this as a space to document small joys and accomplishments. Thank you all so much for your amazing and inspiring encouragement and generosity to me and my family, for continuing to add your own voices to this site in the form of your comments, and for your many loving emails. I appreciate you, and this community, so very much.

Little Friday Things

So many little things to pop in and share this morning.

Thank you all so much for your birthday wishes for James! It's such fun to have a three-year-old in our lives again.

I've got a guest post up at Sew Liberated this morning, as part of Meg's "motherhood is" series. Come by for a visit, won't you?

The photo above is doing double duty for me, as part of my guest post and also for Five Senses Friday: Seeing. I've been seeing so much this week that I don't want to forget -- most especially tiny newborn loveliness.

Finally, I received a box in the mail yesterday afternoon. I want to thank each of you who sent something along for me and Fiona. I'll share more about the box and its contents next week. But thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

near:far

(James at 9 months old. Thinking back to those baby days.)

I have been pretty frank about sharing my history of postpartum depression here. With a new baby on the way, my thoughts have turned back to that time, and to taking steps to prevent it. One of the things that I did to successfully combat the depression was to use photography to draw myself back into my daily life, from which I had become so distant. And then, of course, sharing a bit of that here, in this space, with all of you. Your support, enthusiasm, and the many new friendships I gained, all became such a surprising and lovely part of my healing process.

As so many of you have discovered, one of the best things about this blogging thing are the connections to be made with people from all over the world. One of the women that I connected with very soon after beginning this blog was Kyrie. Kyrie and I share a lot in common -- including our history of postpartum depression. Both of us found photography to be therapeutic during that time, but in slightly different ways. While I used it to draw me back into my life, she used it to help herself take a step back when she was feeling bogged down.

So, I'm very happy to announce that today, Kyrie and I are launching a new collaborative project, near:far. It's a place for us to share some photography and some thoughts as we both stand on the threshold of new motherhood once again. We'll be posting our photos and thoughts every Tuesday and Friday for 52 weeks. The focus is not on depression, but rather on positivity. We hope you'll join us there, share your stories, and hopefully help us to create a community of beauty and support.

I am so excited to be sharing this project with all of you. Afterall, without having had to work through postpartum depression, I wouldn't be taking pictures, or blogging, or have met most of you! So please stop by and pay us a visit!